Last night I posted photos for the first time in over a month. If you look closely I am missing a few days (more like 10-15) of photos. To be honest I just did not take photos those days. October was a weird month for me. I felt like I deviated from my path of self and I did not like it. I tried some new things and learned a whole lot.

A major reason for my upheaval last month was that I got a dog. At the beginning of the month I brought home Marley. There are a few photos of him up. I have always wanted a dog. I grew up with a dog and for better part of 8 years we had 2 dogs. Every since I bought my house I wanted a dog. I thought I was a dog person and I may still be. Let me first say that Marley is an incredible dog. He is smart, lovable, and beautiful. We were together for 2 weeks. I must admit that things did not work out as I had seen them in my head. I was working more then I thought I would be. I was not at home as much. I ended up having to keep him in a crate during the day. This caused me endless anxiety. I do not like having to crate a dog all day long. I was starting to feel trapped. I do not like situations where I feel like that. I do not handle life when I feel trapped. (Side note for anyone: When I feel trapped I am not fun and happy.) I was handling it though, but once he started chasing Baxter and she was starting to get pretty stressed out I knew a change had to be made. I took him back.

That was one of the hardest things for me to do. I had grown to love this dog and he had done the same. I know that he will go to a better home (he might be with his new family now!) but it was still very hard. After they took him back and I was leaving I saw him in the kennel. Though it has been about 3 weeks since I had to give up Marley the image of him in the kennel still haunts me. I do not know if it will ever fade, as most things do, or if it is ingrained in my brain as a constant reminder to myself.

After I took Marley back I felt like I did now know who I was anymore. I had made a choice and I went back on it. That rubs me the wrong way. My routine of life was off, my mind was still trying to couple with 2 weeks of worry, stress, and anxiety. I did not know who I was or where I wanted to go with my life anymore. So I do what I always do in a times of stress, I headed to GA. With 4 days of family and 16 hours in the car alone I was able to process my life over the last couple weeks. And I decided that I am taking October as a mulligan. I will shoot when I want to and I will not otherwise. So I took a few weeks off. I built a costume, I tried to grow a beard (it lasted 3 weeks), and I took a long hard look at myself.

I am going to try some new things. I am going to try to embrace some small constant change. I am going to better myself (and yes I am not going to try I am just going to do it). I am going to work on what will make me, well ME. I am not promising great photos, or amazing work from myself, because I am not out to do great things for the world (at least not yet ), I am doing things for me. I plan to be super selfish over the next 3 months. It will be a new trial period for a new attitude.

Anyway thanks for sticking through the last month, I felt like i owed the few that read this somewhat of an explanation. There you go.